You Are My Everything
by Mystic Mizu
Summary: Too much perfection can make life dull. For Hitomi, is life with Van, too much fairytale? Now complete!
1. Everything Falls Apart

**Everything Falls Apart**

"DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!"

"I'LL WALK AWAY WHEN I WANT TO WALK AWAY! DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" Slamming of the door was heard all over the fortress and so are the shouting of the King and Queen of Fanelia. Almost every night, they have a new reason to argue about and they never fail to disturb the whole castle. But as usual, before anyone is allowed to leave the castle, they are asked to keep their mouth shut about the argument of the two.

She sighed, she can't even remember when she started arguing with Van about the little things she finds annoying about him. Knowing Van's short temper, he will never apologize to something he doesn't find wrong.

She sat out in the garden and stared at the sky. She can see the blue moon, the world where she came from, the world where she grew up, where she can be herself, free and ordinary. Five years have past when she first descend upon this cursed land. She always thought that she never belonged here. She was surprised by pillar of light and never thought that in one blink of an eye, everything will change.

But after a few weeks of staying in Gaea, she fell in love. It was too late when she found out about her hidden desire for Van Fanel. But he told him to return to earth, and soon, when the time is right, he will come for her and be with her forever.

Two years of fame on earth as a famous track racer, just when the world is about to discover about the twenty year old track racer, once again, she was stripped away from her home land.

SO close to reaching her fame, so close to achieving everything she planned for her life. She never thought she'd descend upon this land again.

"Hitomi." His voice was calm and cold. She didn't face him, even though she managed to calm herself, every time she sees him, her insides boils with anger and frustration.

"I know what is wrong" He said.

"Yes, there is something wrong with you." She interrupted. Van took a deep breath to keep himself from shouting.

"NO, with us." He said. He closed his eyes and sat behind her. "Why are you being like this?"

"ME? What do you mean why am I acting like this? You never let me out of your sight as if someone will be interested in kidnapping me. Let it go, Van. The war ended five years ago, will you just loosen up a bit?"

"You're always mad all the time, like nothing satisfies you. Whatever I do, I do it because I love you, and I care about you."

"I am not a child, I am not your responsibility."

"Yes you are! Have you ever thought how I'll feel if something happens to you? I can never forgive myself."

"Nothing will happen to me. Nothing happens in this world that involves me. ME!" She grunted and covered her face in shame. She knows how selfish she's reacting and how ridiculous she sounds.

"You want something horrible to happen to you? That's so unreasonable Hitomi! Do you know how much I went through to make Fanelia perfectly place for you and her people?" Though he wanted to shout, he tried to control and temper to reason with his wife.

"Do YOU know what happened to me back on Earth?" Tears are starting to build in her eyes, whether it's because of greif or anger she doesn't care. Van sighed.

"What do you want Hitomi?"

She closed her eyes and whispered "I want to go back."


	2. Holding On

**Holding On**

_mystic mizu_

"If you were here, would you know what to do?" he sighed at his brother's tomb. He looked at his mother's and whispered, "what about you Mother? Did you ever regret leaving the Mystic Valley and marrying Father? And what about you Father? Always the lady's man? Never had trouble since Mother came in the same world that you did." He stood up and looked at the clear blue sky.

He sighed. "I don't want to lose her. Not for the second time, not ever." He clenched his fist and with in it, the symbol of their promise, the golden necklace with red pendant. "What am I going to do?"

It doesn't really matter what the people say, probably, the first reaction he'll hear once she sends her home is "I knew it". Maybe Allen can help, maybe Millerna, he could think of old friends who could talk to her, but ashamed to bother them because he can't make his marriage work. As he walked slowly back to the palace, he tried to trace every facial reaction Hitomi had when she returned to Gaea.

She was happy when she saw him, everynight they slept in the same bed, feeling each other's warmth and trying to make up with their five lost years. When they got married, they were both sure that this is what they want, she was ecstatic about the idea. After a few months, she started running. Every afternoon, she returns home, take a bath and go straight to bed. The cuddling was gone.

He wondered, was it because he's busy running the kingdom? Did he not pay enough attention to her? She wanted to go home. Always saying that he has no idea what was going on with her back on earth. He always thought that living together is the only happiness he is looking for, he thought she wanted the same.

_Maybe, I'm not good enough. _Ironic how a king who can give her everything, can't give her happiness.

When he entered their room, he found her there, sitting peacefully at the balcony. The red flowers creeping and blooming on the wall certainly brings her perfect green eyes. She noticed his presence. She didn't look away, that's a good sign. But what to do now?

She looked down, there goes his chance to talk to her.

"I'm- sorry." She whispered the second word. Though she whispered it, he heard perfectly. It took him by suprise, he wasn't expecting it.

"Don't make this hard for me, please Van."

"What do you want me to do?" Certainly not want to disappoint her again.

"Say something." There's a hint of anger in her voice.

"Okay, okay." He walked forward and knelt before her. He slowly took hold of her hand, she intertwined her fingers with his. She didn't look at him, she just stared at their hands.

He took a deep breath, trying to find the right words to say it, but he couldn't think aof anything else to say but "I love you."

"I'm not sure about that Van." She said. It felt like suddenly a hole appeared inside him, cold wind passing right through it.

"Not sure? I am one hundred percent sure that I love you." He chuckled though the empty feeling still bothers him a lot.

"You might want to think really hard before you say that again." He's confused.

"where are you going with this, Hitomi? You do know that I care and love you since the day you descended on Gaea."

"Why are you in love with me? Someone who realized that she loves you when it' already too late, someone who's giving you a hard time to understand every irrational decision, every unreasonable arguments? Why are you doing this to yourself Van? You're better off without me."

He let go of her hand and stood up.

"If you want to leave Hitomi, I can't do a thing about it. But you can't stop me from loving you. It's one thing that won't change no matter how far you are from me. Maybe you should think about that." He walked away without looking back.

**AN: **my special thanks to those who read and reviewed my work especially to **chibmimi, omgshoes, the pinkmartini, Inda **and **jossi-31. **


	3. Caught Between Love and Like

**Caught Between Love and Like**

_mystic mizu_

She knows how she feels about her. Just watching him walk away, thinking that he loves her more than she does, just kills her inside and out. Tears started to flow down her eyes, the feeling of emptiness and pain knowing that she is the cause of his pain. When did she started questioning this _love _of theirs?

She always dreamt of going back in his world, back in his arms. It drove her mad. Five years of no contact, no vision, just blurred dreams of a dark-haired angel, catching her whenever she falls. Every night she cry herself to sleep. She knew he is real. She can still feel his warm embrace. She can clearly remember his focused gaze, his tight grip on her hand, his smell like the field. Van Fanel, her love, her life, her angel.

But then, she realized that there is no point in waiting. He is probably just a fantasy, a dream that is too good to be true. A man of her dreams that she probably made just to escape the painful reality that her ex-captain is in love with her bestfriend. But why was she never mad at them? Why did she long for Van Fanel? Why does the image of this angel still hunts her every night?

So she started to run, run as fast as she could, so nothing can catch up to her, nothing will reach her. Leave everything behind, there's no reason for her to look back, she just focus on where she is going.

"I was so close." She whispered to herself as she stared at the twilight sky, where the blue moon shone so brightly. She can still remember it. The cheering of the crowd, the heavy pats on her back, the heat of the sun, the sweat that's slowly sliding down on her cheek. She was right there, near the finish line, near to reaching everything she planned.

He wasn't part of it. College, athletic scholarship, world fame, and the dream of becoming studying medicine in a good school. The perfect plan. Set aside the feelings, it will only make her lose her focus.

10.25 seconds, she's gonna make it. And then one blink, everything is gone. She found herself in a middle of an unfamiliar meadow. She looked up at the sky, then she knew, she was back.

She's confused on what she should feel. Five years of working hard to achieve her goals and in one second, it was all over. On the other hand, the lover of her life is there, standing right in front of her, welcoming her home.

These past few months with him made her forget about the whole almost reaching her dreams issue. The wedding certainly made her happy, seeing some old friends, enjoying the peace they fought for. But after the wedding, there are less to do. She didn't study law, she had no idea what the laws are in Fanelia. She doesn't know their beliefs, their gods, and their culture. It's like she's a no one in this world.

She tried to study everything that she needs to know, to understand the country that she is running.

"Oh you don't need to study that my queen. The only thing that you should do, is to provide the king with an heir to the throne. And of course, to show him your love and support. And also, to understand you people."

_I didn't study almost my entire life just to give birth and to understand. Stupid advisor!_

Suddenly, she lost sight of her purpose, of her direction, of her _track._ What happened to world fame, athletic scholarship and med school? What is her purpose here on Gaea? On this strange land. She never saw herself as an alien to this wolrd, not with Van by her side. But in an instant, all her knowledge that she learned on earth seems so pointless here.

A knock on the door interrupted her thinking. A young hand maiden came in. "Excuse me my lady, the king asked for your company for dinner."

"Send my apologies, tell the king that I need to rest. Tell him... I'm tired"

**AN: **i can understand how some readers dislike Hitomi's character in this fic, but I hope this chapter helped her gain some sympathy from you guys. :)


	4. Sweetest Goodbye

**Sweetest Goodbye**

_mystic mizu_

_Okay, breathe, just breathe. _She listened intently, trying to feel the atmosphere, the soft movements beyond the door. The lights are still on, she can't see any moving shadows or hear any steps.

_Will he understand? _She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against the door.

_So this is how the villain feels? _Admitting that she is wrong is probably the hardest thing she'll ever have to do. But compared to how her mistakes affected him , it seems like the pain she's feeling is just a scratch compared to his deep wound pain. She focused her weight on her forehead and relaxed her shoulders.

_Maybe not tonight. _Suddenly the door opened. She lost her balance and fell forward. But a pair of strong arms caught her.

"Hitomi?" She slowly looked up, and with all her might, looked into his deep sincere eyes. Since when did she grew tired of looking into his beautiful eyes.

"Uhm- good evening?" He raised his eyebrows, clearly he's not buying it.

"Okay." She sighed. She regained her balance, fixed herself and took a deep, very deep, breath.

"Okay" She cleared her throat looked up again. He stood there, waiting for more words from her. She noticed that a small smile is appearing on his face. It seems like forever since she got lost in his eyes, since she couldn't find the right words to say because she just want to look at him, and—

"—stay"

"What?"

"What?"

"Hitomi are you okay?" She shook her head took a deep breath.

"Can we talk?" She entered his room without waiting for his answer. It still hasn't changed. She remembered when things got cold, she decided to have a room of her own. It's warm in here. It's like her sanctuary, her haven. An old lamp, nearing to lose its fire is on a desk at the corner of the room.

"Do you want to sit down, or-- "

"Van?"

"Yes?" Her short sentences are making him nervous. Even before, she is a puzzle to him. SO hard to read, but even so, that's what make him so attracted to her.

_Okay focus. _She shook her head trying to clear her mind and remembering the reason why she is here.

"My apology this afternoon didn't work did it?" She looked down as she speaks. The fire on the lamp is slowly dying.

"Well, I'm here to- ehem! Explain myself, and again, to apologize." She looked up and saw his confused reaction. She looked down again and tried to look for the right next words to say. All of a sudden she heard him chuckle.

"I'm sorry, I'm just laughing at our situation." She on the other hand find their situation very hard to fix and handle.

"Before, you were the understanding one, I was the tough one to take. I was mad all the time, and you, well you kind of turned in to me." A small smile slowly appeared on her face.

"You know what I just realized?" she said looking down. He waited for her to go on.

"I don't want to see that sad face again. And I defininitely don't want to be the cause of your distress." She smiled. Right then he understood what she reached into his pocket and found what he is looking for. He handed it to her withoust saying another word.

"It's not your fault. It's my issue." She said. Van smiled at her.

"Remember that I will always be waiting for you, my queen, my love." He cupped her face, leaned forward and claimed her lips. He grabbed her by her waist and closed the gap between them. HE released her lips and burried his face on her shoulder, inhaling her smell, trying to memorize every detail of her, for it might be his last chance to see his reason to live.

When he finally ha dthe energy to let go of her, she took two steps backward, then a pillar of light engulfed her and in one blinnk of an eye she was gone.

* * *

She opened her eyes and looked around her. She gasped.

"Why?"

* * *

There's no typo error there, i meant to end the story that way. Again, thank you for those who keeps on reading and giving good feedbacks. Also, my thanks to those who added this story on their fave list and alerts. :)

**© mystic mizu**

**_3:53 June 7 2009_**


	5. Reminiscing

**Reminiscing**

_mystic mizu_

"_I greet the morning sky t__he sun dries tears in my eyes, a__waken this sleeping heart of mine."_

_Frailty by Urbandub_

She opened her eyes and looked around her. She gasped. "Why?"

She looked around her, trying to see through the pitchblack night. When she looked up at the sky, she was certain she is _still in Gaea _but where? She can hear the crickets, the screeches of an owl. She's in the middle of the forest, and there's in no telling whether she is near a town or in the middle of nowhere. She closed her fist on her grandmother's necklace wishing that soon she'll find safety.

Suddenly, she heard sudden movements around her. She enclosed her hand tightly on the necklace. She stood up just in case she needs to run. Then a pair of big round amber eyes appeared ot of the ebony, followed by a shinning steel that glimmers in the night.

"Who's there?" said the stranger. She did not know of she must answer or just run away. She heard a step.

Then she notice a pair of blue beautiful eyes that is surrounded by long golden hair.

"Allen Schezar?" she breathed, but loud enough for him to hear his name called.

"Who are you, miss?" When he recognized that it was a woman, he concealed his sword and stepped forward. It's so dark that their only source of light is the moon.

"It's me, Hitomi." She approached him, trying to follow the sound of his voice. She stretched her hands forward trying to get hold of him. Then she felt his warm gloved hand. She took hold of it and suddenly felt relieved.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"It's a long story." She said in embarassment. She kew that if she said that she was trying to get home, he will probably want to talk about it now, regardless of the cold breeze that chills her entire body. When he felt that her hand is shaking, he suggested to take her to the palace and have a nice cup of tea.

* * *

"Thanks." She said to the hand maiden when she handed her the tea. They were later joined by Millerna and Dryden. They were happy to see her of course, but she noticed that Dryden is looking at her in a queer way. Then she noticed that everyone is looking at her.

"What?" she asked.

"Oh sorry we're staring, we forgot that it is not unusual to find a queen in the middle of Asturian forest." Dryden said with a clear tone of sarcasm. She smiled.

"Are we gonna wait for more weak joke attempts of Dryden or please, please start explaining why you are here." Alan said.

"Is everything alright?' Hitomi looked at Millerna and saw her great concern for her.

"No, no, everything is quite alright." She forced to smile.

"Nope, I don't buy that." Dryden said. "If everything is alright, then you would have come here with Van." He raised his eyebrows and smiled. Of course, she's not a good actress, and it's pretty obvious that Van won't allow her to leave the country without him.

"Okay" she gave up. "Van and I, kind of took a time out." She looked down and unconsciously tracing the circles around her cup.

"Time out?" Alan said.

"You two are-" Millerna said unable to believe what she heard.

"What does that mean?" Dryden said in suprise.

"You didn't leave him, did you?" Alan said. She looked up, everyone's eyes are wide and lips are slightly opened. She can see the hopeful plea of 'no' in her answer.

"Well-"

"Oh my." Millerna sighed and fell on the back of her chair. Dryden massaged his temple with the tip of his middle and index finger. Alan closed his mouth but kept his eyes on her. "Poor Van." She heard Millerna whisper.

"What happened?"Dryden asked, still can't get over in his suprise.

"Did he hurt you?" Alan asked with a tone of warning in his voice.

"No! Okay I'll explain." She sighed and closed her eyes.

'_This is going to be a long night.' _

"It's my fault actually." She began to explain. She started explaining on the wedding then to the day that they began fighting. Of course, she conveniently left out the ridicolous topics of the arguments. And when she went to the part where she was saying goodbye to Van all of them took a deep breath, probably to control their emotions so that she can finish her story without interruption. When she finished, all of them looked at one another, waiting for someone to break the uncomfortable silence.

"But why?" Dryden asked.

"Dryden." Millerna hushed him.

"I ask the same question." She asnwered. All of them were suprised. "I just-" she continued. "I feel incomplete somehow. And I'm confused because, I know, I wanted to be with Van." She sighed, again tracing the lid of the cup.

"Maybe" Alan said interrupting the silence " You lost sight of your purpose." Hitomi looked at him, confused.

"You love Van right?" Alan said.

"Of course." She asnwered quickly.

"Then don't let go of him. If you hadn't noticed, every person that he calls family left him. You have no idea how messed up he was the first time you left. Everytime I visit Fanelia I can see that he longs for you. He never took of your necklace, clealry he was still holding on to you." She waited if Alan is still about to say something. He smiled at him.

"You know-" Dryden interrupted. "I am pretty sure that that pendant makes your wish come true." Hitomi looked him and nodded once.

"What did you wish for?" Millerna asked.

She thinked, really hard. Trying to remember her exact wish.

"I want to know where I really belong." She said.

"And you landed here in Asturia." Alan said

"Where you saved Van from being killed." He continued.

"And where he saved you when you were kidnapped." Millerna said.

Hitomi smiled amd sighed. "Yes" she whispered.

* * *

**A.N: **chibmimi actually gave me the idea on this part (_"Then don't let go of him. If you hadn't noticed, every person that he calls family left him.)_ The qoutation above is from the song "Frailty" of Urbandub (It's a Filipino band i'm proud to say! Yeah go pinoys!) Listen to the song it's really good. Thank you for those who keep on reading my fics.. :)

**©mystic mizu**

**3:59 pm June 9, 2009**


	6. Time's Up

AN: I don't know if people are still reading this. I am sorry for the late (I know this is an understatement) update. It wasn't easy to juggle college life and life of a secret writer. But now that I graduated (yeah!) and officially unemployed (ugh!) I am writing again.

**Time's Up**

_Mystic Mizu_

Apology won't be easy. She knows it. She's a mess and one thing's for sure, who she is now, is not the Hitomi Van fell in love with. A week has passed since she descended upon the forest of Asturia. Every afternoon till twilight, Millerna and Allen take her for a long walk, and talk her into returning to Fanelia. She wanted to be with Van, but it's too soon to return.

Asturia has been a nice refuge for her. Millerna lent her dresses and she stayed in the cabin that was made for her and Van for their visits. Despite of her stay here, her mind never veers away from the reality that she needs to fix her relationship with Van.

"Why?" Millerna asked and the tone of frustration was clear in her voice. Allen laughed as the princess lost her patience in trying to convince the queen of Fanelia to return to her country.

Hitomi simply smiled and said "I need to fix myself. I'm afraid I might end up throwing my temper at Van again if I return too soon." She looked at Allen, who has been quiet the entire walk. The sun begun to set and the blue moon is beginning to shine brightly. They began to walk back to the palace.

"Millerna, it's her marriage, I personally think that you should worry about your own first." Allen said.

"Worry? Is everything alright?" Hitomi asked.

"Everything is fine. It's just—" Millerna stopped walking and looked down.

"Millerna?" Hitomi walked towards her and held her hand.

"I'm pregnant." She said smiling at Hitomi.

"That's great! Sometimes I can't believe it's Dryden's but-" she embraced Millerna. They both laughed.

"I don't know how to tell Dryden" she said, looking down at her belly. "I mean, he's still getting a hang of being a king, I don't want him to go crazy over being both a king of Asturia and being a father as well."

"I'm sure he'll love the news."

Hitomi has always been grateful for Allen's attempts to change the subject whenever Millerna convinces her to talk about her problem. She knows that he is aware that she needed some time off away from all the problems and a few breathing moments to think straight.

Hitomi let herself be a few steps behind Allen and Millerna as they walk her back to the palace. This is their routine every day. They walk to the castle first to drop off Millerna, then they walk to Hitomi's cabin, then Allen will walk by himself home. She looked at the two, and can't help wondering, how the two of them can live with it. Five years ago, both of them were so sure that they were in love with each other. The knight and the princess, the perfect love story. In the way that they look at each other, the hint of their love can still be seen. Is this why Allen hasn't married yet?

"What about you Allen?" Hitomi asked as she and Allen started walking in the garden of the palace. Allen looked at her confused. "How come you haven't settled with anyone yet?"

He chuckled. "I have, with Celena."

"Allen" she said unsatisfied with his answer.

"Celena is my life. Prince Chid on the other hand, has all the guidance he needs to be a perfect Duke of Freid. Serving Asturia as a knight of Caeli, I don't think I could ask for more." He said simply.

"I don't think watching your sister grow up, as you grow old is not exactly fulfilling. War is over. I don't want to sound like a mother, but-"

"Hitomi." Allen stopped walking and faced her. "World is not perfect and does not always agree with you. When I lost my family, Marlene came in my life. But we cannot be together, and I lost her forever. I also fell in love with you and with Millerna, but it was not right. You were meant for Van, and Millerna has her duties as a princess of Asturia." He paused and looked away. They can hear horse whining which means that they are nearing the gates. they began to walk again.

"I guess I'm still lucky, that I get to see her every day. I get to protect her and be with her." He smiled and just a few steps away from the stables where the horse are, he stopped walking and put his hands on Hitomi's shoulder. "You are lucky, because the man you love can be with you, if you want to." She noticed that something distracted him.

"When did this conversation become about me?" She chuckled.

"It has always been about you. That's why you're here, remember?" he started walking again, but away from the gates.

"I understand that you want to get yourself together before facing Van, but how long can you keep this up? How long are you planning to hide yourself here?"

"Do I have a limited stay here?"

"No, but your time for thinking is up."

"What do you mean?"

"Fanelia banners on the stable." Allen pointed. She looked at the stable and saw a horse, a familiar horse. Seal of the Fanelian king was imprinted on the horse's saddle. "Van is here."

AN: well there you go. I have a lot of idea on how to end this (I piled up a few ideas over the years.. yeesh!) but I promise to update next week before i hit the beach!


	7. Unsaid Words

**The Unsaid Words**

_Mystic Mizu_

Panic. Joy. Then panic again. She can't move or breathe, as if she's stuck in a frozen time warp. She tried to digest everything around her. Allen is in front of her. They are near the back gates of the palace where the stables are. In front of the stable, a horse, a familiar horse, stood. The horse has the Fanelian King seal on its saddle, which means, that the king of Fanelia, Van Fanel, the man she left, for the third time, is here. Does he know that she's here? Panic.

"Hitomi, you look like your killer just found you. This is Van we're talking about. Calm down." Allen broke the silence. She looked down, and then looked at the horse again. No one is tending the horse, he just arrived a few minutes ago, she assumed.

"Look, you don't have to face him now if you can't." This is in fact true. But hiding from him would be wrong. On the other hand, she doesn't have the courage to face him yet.

She started walking, not knowing where to go, but all she wanted is to be away from the stables. Allen followed but he was a few steps behind her to give her space to think. Then she started rambling.

"Why am I so afraid to see him? Why am I running away from him?" she stopped and turned to face him.

"I want to be with him. I know that. I am certain of that. In a week of stay here I imagine talking to him, explaining my apology and telling him how sorry I am. I want to tell him that I am sorry and that I love him."

"So tell me." She can recognize that voice anywhere. It's both soothing and nerve wrecking.

She slowly turned and there he was. His hair disheveled, as it's always been. Shadows under his eyes mark the weariness of his long journey. He was not smiling. He doesn't look angry either. His face is calm, which terrifies her more since she can't read how he feels upon seeing her in the land of Asturia.

_Breathe. _She thought. Nervous. Why is she nervous? She has been so calm around Van for a long time. He's the only one who could calm her down. It's so strange that now, he's the cause of her apprehension. No, it's not him. She realized that it's because she caused him pain, that she feels ashamed to face him, to ask him to take her back.

She was so focused on trying to figure out what to say next that she didn't notice that Allen left her side, walked towards Van, and nodded at him. Van nodded back. She saw him look back at her and smiled, as if encouraging her to talk to Van.

A few seconds has passed and no one has broken the silence. They just looked at each other but not giving any emotions whatsoever. Her panic has passed. She suddenly felt the calmness she used to feel in his presence. Why did she ever run away from this? She wondered.

He's being stubborn, she thought. He didn't move his gaze away from her. She knows that he's waiting for her to talk first. And he has the right to do it, for she is the one who owes him an apology.

She took a few steps to approach him and stopped at an arm length in front of him. She breathed in deep and exhaled, giving up all her pride and stubbornness.

"I shouldn't have left." she said looking at his boots. "I wasn't being irrational when I threw my temper, I have reasons, but how I dealt with it was wrong. I was wrong to think that going back to earth would solve everything."

"I thought that's what you wanted, to go back." He said calmly.

"I know that if I go back, I'll end up thinking about you every single day. I'll end up wishing I'm back here. It's wrong, but perhaps being away from you, but not too far, is what I needed to realize how much you mean to me. How wrong I was."

"We haven't seen each other for five years before you came back, that wasn't enough for you to realize that?"

"I know. I was wrong to treat you like that."

He looked away for the first time. He took a deep breath and relaxed his stiff body. "You were not wrong at all." The statement took her by surprise. Of course she was wrong. In what way could he justify all her actions?

"Look, it's been a long journey for you, maybe you should-"

"No, we're going to talk now. No more secrets. No more hiding Hitomi. I'm not giving you a chance to filter what you want to say. Say what you want to say." He noticed that his voice was rising, he again breathed to calm himself. "I don't care if it won't make sense or if we go in circles, I will understand you."

"I know it wasn't fair for you." He continued. "I snatched you away from your home because I want to be with you. I didn't consider the life you're going to leave behind. I thought this is what you wanted."

"It is." It's exactly what she didn't want to hear from him. For him to say that she's better off back on earth.

"But it wasn't enough. It will be never fair for you, because you have to make a choice, and whatever choice you make, whether you decide to stay here or not, leaving someone you love was never a fair decision." He was right. It was true. She never told him this, but he still understood. But the word unfair doesn't seem to fit the statement, because being with him compensates, even more, with what she lost.

"You were hurt in making this decision, and for that, I should've understood why every day, you pain to be here-"

"No." she cried in exasperation. "It was hard to make the decision, it's true. It's true that I every day, I miss my family, my friends, my life back on earth. But it was never painful to be with you."

"Then why didn't you just tell me what was bothering you?"

"Because it's not something that you should trouble yourself with. I didn't want you to think that you were never enough, that I wasn't happy to be here. Every time you were beside me, I feel happy, you ease the longing. But you are not always around. And I don't want to blame it to your responsibility as a ruler. It's so selfish. I know that I am not your priority. And I don't nor will I ever ask you or make you feel that you should always be at my side to make us work. I am so selfish and I hate that." Tears are starting to flow down her cheeks she again breathed and wiped away the tears. She hated that look on his face. That pained look on his eyes. What's worse is she is caused it.

"And you thought pushing me away is the answer?"

"I thought pushing myself away from you would give me the time I need to learn how to deal with the longing."

"And where did that get you? You thought of leaving me, thinking that you shouldn't be with me because you were hurting me. Hitomi, you don't think that I will understand that you miss your family? Is that what you are saying?" he didn't hide this frustration this time. He looked down at her and grabbed her arms with both hands.

"You think that I will not understand the pain of leaving your friends and family behind? I get it Hitomi. And if you cry everyday and tell me all the time that you miss them, I will understand. What I don't understand is why you felt the need to hide it from me. I know that I am not the only person that you love. That your world doesn't entirely revolve around me. I wanted you to stay with me, to choose me, but that doesn't mean that I will completely disregard what you will leave behind if you do." He locked his gaze on her eyes waiting for her to respond. But she just stood there, looking back at him, quite shocked, but trying to hide it with passiveness. Tears are still streaming down her face. He suddenly became aware of how tight his grip was on her little arms. He forgot that he was still wearing gloves from riding his horse. He released her and saw that he left marks on them. He knew that they will bruise. He took a few steps back, took of his gloves and put them inside his pocket. He put his hands on his waist and looked at her.

It wasn't easy to look at her. Not because of the anger, but because of the frustration that it's as if he can't do anything to ease her pain. And now he actually hurt her. He wanted so badly to embrace her, to stop the tears. But he knew that if he go soft on her again, they will drop the argument and it won't be solved.

"Come to think of it, I didn't even give you the chance to make the decision, I just took you away, without asking if it's what you wanted. I just assumed-"

"It is what I wanted." She said. Her voice is hoarse from crying. He can see that she was tired from crying. Her eyes are red and puffy and her face is flushed.

"I just wasn't expecting it. I wasn't expecting anything from you before" she added. This took him by surprise.

"You didn't expect me, to come for you?" he asked, quite confused why.

She sighed and looked away. Since he asked her to spill everything, she decided to tell everything, even if it hurts him. "I had a plan. And frankly, you weren't in it. After a year of nothing from you, I gave up. I can't see you. I can only see bits of memories, which I considered dream, which my mind doctor considered hallucination."

She waited for him to say something. He was shocked that she gave up on him. She thought he was just a dream. He can only imagine her shock when he suddenly took her away from what she considered real. It must be hard to think that the person you love, was just an illusion.

"I was so sure that I was going to get you when the time is right. I didn't think you'd ever thought otherwise."

"I'm still glad that you came for me." she smiled, a weary one which disappeared in an instant. "Van I love you. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to handle myself well. I want to be with you. I belong with you. I don't know what else to say to convince you how I truly want to be with you."

He gave up. He slowly walked towards her and locked her in his arms, one around waist, and the other around her neck. He buried his face on her small shoulder, inhaling her sweet scent. He kissed her shoulder, then her neck, then her wet cheek. He held her face with both hand and wiped her tears with his thumb. He kissed her gently on the lips then held her again.

"I'm so stupid." She whispered.

"Yes you are." He said. He tightened his hold then released her.

"Van I-"

"Shh… let's say no more. Too many things have been said today I don't think I can process another."

And while they held each other in the silence of the night, he knows that he needs to make things right for her. He looked up at the mystic moon, sighed and held her tighter.

**AN: **i know it's a long argument, but it's supposed to be. well there you go as promised. i have another chapter coming up.


	8. Epilogue

**Epilogue: Healing  
**_Mystic Mizu_

_Nobody said it was easy  
Oh it's such a shame for us to part  
Nobody said it was easy  
No one ever said it would be so hard  
I'm going back to the start_

He can't remember how it all happened, where it all started, what they both just went through. Did it matter? All he knows is, he is holding this woman in, whom he longed for, for so long, in dark room, just the two of them, no one else. How was it possible to miss someone who was gone for a week? Is it possible to want her this much? No, it was not that. It was the way that she held him back. She embraces him so tightly, not letting go, savoring his warmth. It was the way she kissed him, softly brushing her lips against his, passionately tasting his mouth.

But he wanted more of her. Not just her warm touch, not just her passionate kisses. He wanted to be inside her, to be one with her.

He unlaced her dress and slid it off to the ground. She, on the other hand, took off his shirt for him.

He let go of her lips and kissed her neck. He held her closer and gently led her towards their bed. He gently laid her and climbed on top of her. He cupped her face and claimed her lips.

_I'm kissing her. _He thought. _I'm really kissing her. _As if it was their first kiss, as if it was the first time he held her, as if it was the first time he confessed his love for her. It pains him thinking how much he missed her, to the point that he could not believe that she was back in his arms again. His kisses grew vigorous.

Love, grief, joy, longing. The emotions mixed up inside of him confuse him. His hunger grew stronger.

He felt selfish. She is his, his only. Tonight, nothing else matters.

"Hitomi" he whispered as he tried to contain his emotion. He breathed hard between their kisses.

He felt her hands gently caressing his nape. They slid down to his chest and gently, pushed a small space between them. He opened his eyes, and saw her bright green eyes looking in his. A small smile was printed on her face, but her eyes were full of concern.

_I love you._

He looked at her, trying to slow down his breathing. But it was hard, why was it hard to breathe? And with a release of breath, his pain started to flow down from his eyes. He pushed up and sat beside her.

"What the hell?" he chuckled turning away from her. He covered his eyes with his right hand. Though he laughed softly, the pain was clear in his voice.

"This is so pathetic." The tears kept coming. He wasn't sure whether he was chuckling or sobbing. The next thing he felt was a pair of warm hands caressing his back.

With one deep breath, he got hold of himself, but still refused to face her. Her arms slowly coiled around his neck. She rested her cheek against his.

_I love you. _

Did she hurt him that much? It was heartbreaking to watch the effect of her actions. The silence was broken by his silent laughter.

"I can't believe—that I love you this much, that the thought of losing you completely, and holding you here, right now, wanting you more than ever, could be this overwhelming."

She slid her hands from his neck to the left side of his chest. She can feel it elevate and descend as he breathe. She felt the fast beating if his heart. For him, it was queer to still feel the gut wrenching pain of her absence while holding her in his two arms. Fearing that if he closes his eyes and when he opens them, she'd be gone.

"You must think I'm crazy" added with a sigh.

"You've always been the sane one." She gently kissed his cheek, cupped his face and gently faced him to her. As she looked deep in his brown eyes, she said "I will never leave your side again." And with that, she felt his heartbeat slow down.

He buried his face on her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her waist. She ran her fingers through his raven hair.

He laid wet kisses on her neck and slowly, his lips brushes up to her jaw. His hands wandered her perfect curves. He gently pushed her down on her back. He breathed slowly, trying to contain the hunger he felt before. He need not to rush, he thought, they could be here for days, and she'll still be there when he wakes up in the morning.

"Let go Van" she whispered. "I'm yours, forever"

He claimed her lips and kissed her with so much passion. She removed his pants for him, and covered themselves with the warm quilt—as if they could use more heat that steaming from their bodies.

And he let go—of the pain that has been holding him back, of the fear of that pain. He showed his intense love for her, how much he wanted her. He kissed her like there's no tomorrow. He held her as if he'll never let go. He moved inside her as if he claimed her entire being.

He is hers, and she is his.

His pleasure is growing stronger, and so are his moans. He kept his eyes on her and saw she's losing herself to pleasure as well. They called out each other's name, and clutched on each other's body.

And with one intense release, he moaned her name and collapsed. He laid there, breathing in her scent. Nothing else mattered.

_I am hers, and she is mine. _

***For a dear friend of mine, my very own angel, Kev, I will see you soon.

**AN: **I gotta say, writing has been a good therapy for me lately. I've been writing about the pains of goodbyes and I never really knew how it really felt, how painful it really was till I had to go through it. I mean man! That was the first time I felt something empty and void in my chest whenever I remember it. It's true what I said above—you'll feel this gut wrenching mother effing pain in your chest…

**THANK YOU FOR THOSE WHO READ, REVIEWED, AND SUBSCRIBED. **


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